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Monday Madness

Suddenly Bartholomew knew that this massage was NOT going to have a              happy ending….


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Oh Crap, It’s Monday!

Yep, for those of you that follow a regular schedule it is that most hated day of the week-monday.  So I thought I would brighten your day with some random silliness.

                                           Martha and Edwina on vacation at the powder keg factory.


Lust For Life…

“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.”~~ Jimmy Carter

It was supposed to be a once in a lifetime trip – Paris, the city of love!  Elaine would never have a chance like this again; a discounted trip courtesy of the senior class.  She and her husband Henry, were going as extra chaperones; Elaine was beyond giddy.  She always had an expressive, romantic soul- perfect foil (she thought) to Henrys more staid demeanor.  While he was not given to displays of affection Elaine thought Paris might change his mind and put a little spunk in him.  One could always hope!

Just a week before they were to leave he started acting funny.  Not thinking much of it Elaine blithely went about packing and arranging what needed to be done.  Then she got “that call” informing her that there was someone else in her husbands life and it wasn’t his golden retriever.  However, the trip was paid for-no refunds, so on they went.  Obviously a volatile situation, Elaine tried to make the best of it.

The flight over was uneventful if a bit tense.  On the surface Elaine looked calm but her mind was boiling with the years of deceit that had come to the surface at this inopportune time. Her romantic  side warred with her scorned, hurt side making her quiet and morose.  Being a school tour nearly everything was arranged in groups, check in at the hotel, trip to the Louvre, “typical” French restaurant.  All orderly and scheduled with no room for error.

“This isn’t the way to see Paris,” she thought, “I should be on the back of a motorcycle, zipping through traffic, arms around the waist of a hot hunk.”  She intended that to be her husband until plans changed.

One day they got a “free day” to explore as they wanted.  Being motorcycle enthusiasts they and another couple went to the Paris Harley Davidson. The strain must have showed on her face because as the others were browsing the clerk approached Elaine, making pleasant small talk.  She wasn’t used to the accent but she tried to keep up with the conversation.  Suddenly she thought she heard him say “Would you like me to arrange that for you?”.  “I’m sorry, what did you say?”  “Mademoiselle, does she like zee French boys?”  “B-b-but you do see that I’m here with my husband?”, she finally managed to stammer out. “Zoot alors! What does that have to do with Paris and fun?!”, was his pragmatic reply.  Joining the others she returned to the hotel.  Elaine sadly reflected on the irony of the proposition presented earlier in the day.

In the middle of the night she realized that Henry was no longer in bed. Dressing quickly she hurried downstairs to find him whispering sweet nothings into a lobby phone, apologizing for not bringing “her”.  Quietly slipping back to their room Elaine started packing her bags; they were to board the plane tomorrow.

Early next morning as everyone stood groggily in line for the airport bus Henry’s eyes searched for Elaine.  “She has to be here.”, he mused since she had already packed, leaving the room before he was awake.  Unable to find her they checked the American embassy to no avail.  Henry returned home.

That afternoon, zipping through the cobbled streets, a smiling blonde perched behind a lusty Frenchman.  Her arms encircled his waist as she surveyed her future.


**This is another piece inspired by a contest over at k8edid on the 7 Deadly Sins.


The Pride of Jersey

The first time I saw Teresa was at the corner of Romaine and Pavonia Aves; we were both 11 years old.  I remember very clearly that she seemed much older than me; she had a sophistication and worldliness that I, an inexperienced Midwesterner lacked.  She also had a pride about her, bestowing a confidence that I had yet to find.

Our family was always moving around due to my dads work, or lack of, I should say.  I met Teresa when dad moved us to New Jersey so that he could commute to New York city.  By this time we had already moved several times and I was getting tired of making and breaking friendships; I was determined to see this one through.  Theresa taught me a lot about life, and pride of accomplishment.  While she didn’t exactly excel at St. Anthony’s elementary she was learning the lessons of Jersey life.  She would hold forth to the girls  that raptly  gathered around her, listening to her plans for the future.  She was going to be big some day, people would pay attention to her and she would marry a guy that would give her everything she thought she deserved.

As the years went by we stayed friends and kept in touch even though I ended up in public school and she went to the local Catholic high school, “That’s where I’m gonna find my guy, Angie! You just wait and see!”  I never doubted her for one minute, her resolve was astonishing. And find him she did.  She was on the fast-track, so was her husband; Jimmy was a wheeler-dealer if there ever was one.  Soon they had the big house, the kids, the cars and OMG the bling!  No one that was showered with their attention understood what Jimmy and Teresa actually did, “entrepreneurs” was all we knew.  And proud! Heavens, all she did was boast about how smart her kids were, the latest diamond ring Jimmy got her or the latest deal she cooked up.

After awhile the gang started to drift apart, partly because of job commitments, but increasingly due to an uneasiness about Theresa and Jimmy’s values.  Rumors drifted around about the origins of their wealth and lifestyle.  At first Teresa started to hide little things, she would deny the rumors and allegations.  Eventually though her boasting won out, “That D.A. doesn’t know who he is dealing with!”  We thought that perhaps Teresa didn’t really know what (or who) Jimmy was involved with.  But the much publicized trial told a different story, one that painted Teresa as the master-mind, the one who knew “where the bodies were buried.”  Jimmy was just the “muscle”.  The jury took half a day to find her guilty, handing down a sentence of 20 to life.

Feeling a bit guilty for losing touch I decided to visit Teresa at EMCFW.  The person that sat down across from me was just a shell of the person I knew in another life.  Gone were the fancy clothes, her styled, coiffed hair was a straggly salt/pepper combination and her complexion devoid of the fancy, expensive cosmetics.  One of the CO’s told me that Teresa still tried to “hold court”, still was a wheeler-dealer, albeit on a smaller scale.  Now her commodities were mostly sweet rolls and coffee.  As we sat there trying pretend the years away it was clear she would never change. And although she had no physical resemblance to the girl I met 30 years ago, she was still the same.

The last time I saw Theresa she still had that haughty look of pride.


**This is another piece inspired by a contest over at k8edid on the 7 Deadly Sins. Check out the entries, lots of good writing (I have humbly entered one on envy).  Perhaps the next time you’re tempted you will stop and think of the consequences.